Day 30

Today I am thankful for life...

"Leave all your love and your longing behind. You cant carry it with you if you want to survive." - Florence and the Machine

       I have thought long and hard about this particular entry. For many reasons. I know being open and possibly using this as an out let is the original intention, but neither it seems have been very easy for me lately. I feel that the lesson I am supposed to be learning right now, or at least one of them, has become very obvious. Let it go, let it be, let it ride. My dad's advice about most things that upset me, one of my most favorite songs, and a motto of a good friend I once knew that I am feeling inspire me more than ever. These things do not come very natural to me at all. I drive my self crazy at time with over analyzing every moment of life and what their outcomes might be. Instead of truly basking in the glory of every moment good or bad. They all are teaching me something.And i may not get as many as I think.

     "The fact that life depends on death is hard for us to accept." Unknown 

     Most of you know that my gramie Trish is sick, very sick in fact, with cancer. I really am pretty close with all my gramies. There has always been a special thing about my grandmas that I could never put my finger on, but always leaves me in awe. Perhaps its the knowledgeable perspective, the great cooking skills, or the grace of an era and the sweet loving moments. Grandpas are awesome, but for a little girl grandmas are really special. All of my gramies have been very good to me. My gramie Tris has always seemed to just love me, and encourage who I am. She is like my other gramies in the way that they don't seem to be "old". They are all very sane, strong, opinionated, insightful, capable women. Gramie Trish only gave up her real estate clients a month ago! I am feeling that not only do I need to reconnect more with my gramies, but I have become more appreciative of what all of them have brought to my life and also who all of them are as women. I am so thankful and do not think its a coincidence that you all are my gramies and that I am the way I am after knowing all of you. Thank you for being who you all are and being there for me. Helping raise me in to the the sweet, loving, intelligent woman I am. It led me to happiness and the love of a man who can not only handle me but loves me completely. I have moments of complete sadness and engulfing grief not only for me but for my Mom (Deb) and my entire family. Then I think about how my gram must feel and I can't even imagine, or Mr. B, Her hubby. I understand I guess that these things happen to everyone but it's so surreal now.

       Life is full circle, as hard as that is for us to see sometimes. Life in my opinion is all about looking for the lessons. I am here to learn. The more I learn and grow the closer I feel to existing and to my relationships with people. I am having my mind and soul opened up so much in this moment in life that I am over whelmed with emotions and semi understanding, or at least semi rationalizing why I feel like I do.


"Keep your head above your heart and your eyes wide open. So this world can't find a way to leave you cold. And no your not the only ship out on the ocean. Save your strength for things that you can change, forgive the ones that you can't, you gotta let it go. Like a sweet sunset in Georgia let it go. Like the fear that grab a hold ya let it go." - Zac Brown Band